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Tibetan Humour: Aku Tonpa

Tibetan Humour: Aku Tonpa

Wicked Humour of Aku Tonpa
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チベット語翻訳

通訳者
マイク カルマ


Tibetan Translation

Tibetan Humour: Aku Tonpa

Humour: Aku Tonpa Stories

Aku Tonpa Story 1

 

UNCLE TOMPA SELLS PENISES TO THE NUNNERY


Folk Tale of Ancient Tibet
as translated by Rinjing Dorje
[dedicated to
bunzthedon king n khmer ryder]


ONCE upon a time, a couple was sowing their field. A number of other workers whom they had hired were helping them. It was lunch time. All of the workers were taking their lunch, including the couple who owned the field. Tibetans enjoy laughing and making fun of each other. So, while everyone was busy making fun, telling jokes about sex, and laughing, a Lama who was a very holy man walked by. According to Tibetan custom, the Lama asked the couple, "What are you doing?"

The couple started to say that they were sowing seeds for their crop, but since they were right in the middle of telling sex jokes, the answer that slipped out was, "Well, we are sowing penises in our field."

Everybody laughed because of the slip, but the Lama was embarassed by their reply. So he cursed them, "MAY EVERY SEED OF YOUR GRAIN GROW AS A PENIS!!!" Having uttered this curse, the Lama went on his way.

At the time of harvest, the couple went to their field. What they saw shocked them. It was filled with a crop of penises. They began crying because of what had happened to them. Not only were they terribly embarassed, they did not have any seeds of grain to live on the next year, since that was the only field they had.

Naturally, such a strange story spread among the villages near and far. It happened that Uncle Tompa also heard of this and came to see. He viewed the poor couple's field of unbelievable penises in all sizes.

He went to the couple's home. He found them crying, and rolling on the floor. They could not bear the terrible happening. Uncle consoled them. "No, no. Don't worry so much; I shall sell them for you and from that you will be able to buy more grain than you would have gotten from the field."

Hearing this from Uncle Tompa, the couple thanked him for his offer. Uncle then asked them to bring donkeys with as many empty sacks to load all the penises. They started harvesting the penises and loaded them on the donkeys as Uncle had asked them. But the couple still did not know what Uncle was going to do or where he was going.

Uncle Tompa left the couple's house and promised them that he would come back after a few days. Then Uncle went directly to one of Tibet's largest nunneries with his donkeys. As soon as he arrived in the open courtyard of the nunnery, he unloaded the donkeys and let them out of the yard. He laid down a few big pieces of cloth and put out all the penises in rows. As soon as he was through, he shouted, "ANY ONE WHO WANTS A MAGIC PENIS TO FULFILL ALL SEXY DESIRES CAN PURCHASE ONE RIGHT NOW!" He shouted again and again. But he did not get any customers until dark.

The Abbess of the nunnery came out and said to Uncle, "What is your price for the biggest one?" She pointed to it and covered her mouth in shyness. Uncle asked a great deal of money for it, but she did not mind paying the whole amount. She asked him, "How do I use it?"

Uncle said, "Well, you have to keep it away from dogs and cats because they might eat it. Then, when you want to have sexual enjoyment, you should say 'Chhu! Chhu!' This magic penis will come and f^ck you until you breathe out a long breath."

The Abbess was very happy to have such a useful object. Because, as everybody knows, nuns are not allowed to enjoy men.

After the Abbess went away, almost all the nuns came and bought the remaining penises. Uncle was very busy pricing them according to their sizes and collecting money. He also had to give them instructions on how to use them. When he had finished, Uncle went back to the couple with a large sum of money. They were very surprised to see him.

In the meantime, the Abbess followed the instructions that were given by Uncle Tompa. She called, "Chhu Chhu." Sure enough, the penis jumped on her and f^cked her. When she wanted it to stop, she would give it a long breath, "Hu!" and the penis would fall out. The Abbess enjoyed that, and later she loved the Magic Penis so much that she had a special silver box made in which she kept it wrapped up in silk. She felt it was so precious in her life that she would never spend a night without it.

Years passed. One day she was invited to a special worship by a rich family who lived a long distance away. The Abbess forgot to carry the silver box with her. According to her rites of worship, she had to stay there several days. The first night that she was without the Magic Penis made her very unhappy. The next day she told the family she did not want to stay for their whole ceremony. She explained that she must return to the nunnery that very day, because she had left a special holy object there, which, according to her religious vows, she was not allowed to spend the night without.

She told all these lies to the family, but still they insisted she stay there to complete their worship. They suggested they send their servant to pick it up. If he rode a horse both ways, he could go and come back that same day.

The Abbess finally agreed. She told the servant, "There is a silver box under my bed. You must not open it. If you do, you will commit a great sin." The servant promised he would not open it.

He went to the nunnery, picked up the silver box, and started on his way back. Along the way, he wondered, "What can there be in such a precious looking box?" He wanted to look inside, but was afraid he might commit a sin. So after some distance had passed, he came to a place where there was nobody around. He got down from the horse and rested for a while.

After wondering what was in it for a while longer, he gave up the fear of sinning and opened the silver box. What he saw was something very large and thick wrapped in silk. He opened up the silk and uncovered a huge penis. He was so amazed to see it, he said "Chhu Chhu!" (which is also a Tibetan expression of surprise).

All of a sudden, the penis jumped on him and looked for a hole and started f^cking. The poor servant was terrified. He cried out and ran in all directions until he became unbearably tired. Finally he breathed a long breath, "Hu," and the penis came out.

...

As this may be copyrighted material I have decided to remove the last few paragraphs and offer the rest as a preview of sorts.




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Tibetan Translation

བོད་སྐད བོད་ཡིག བསྒྱུར་མཁན སྐད་སྒྱུར སྐད་གཉིས་སྨྲ་བ བཀྲ་ཤིས་

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